


Steps In The Right Direction

by SilverAmoebasquid



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I will take this one to my grave don't try and stop me, M/M, not super bad i just needed to explore this headcanon I have, this is light angst, warnings for like. getting hurt.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 05:52:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11594271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverAmoebasquid/pseuds/SilverAmoebasquid
Summary: Kenjirou believes himself to be a reasonable person. He doesn't worry about things that don't need to be worried about. Except for one thing.





	Steps In The Right Direction

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I'll explain this whole headcanon at the beginning here because most of what I've written up til now doesn't necessarily line up with this, even though this is what I really do like to think: Kenjirou is terrified of getting hurt. Blood, pain, doctor's offices, all of it. It's unreasonable to be so freaked out by it, he knows, but there's very little he can do about it. The only person who can hope to calm him down is Yuuji. Because yes.

As much as he legitimately did want to have an enlightened conversation with the first year wing spiker, Yuuji was having a hard time keeping his mind from wandering.

 

It was a Sunday morning and Yuuji had gotten lonely at home so he came to the only place he knew he was guaranteed entertainment: Shiratorizawa’s volleyball gym.

“Shirabu-senpaiiiii!” Yuuji cried as he stepped through the door. “Teach me how to be a better spiker!!”

“Terushima-san!!!” a younger player standing by Kenjirou squealed.

“What. What are you doing here.” Kenjirou framed it more as a statement than as a question.

Yuuji smirked and sauntered over. “I want to work on my spikes with the best setter in the world!”

When Yuuji placed his hands on his boyfriend’s hips, Kenjirou smiled softly and slid his hands up Yuuji’s chest.

“In the  _ nation _ . Don’t be unrealistic.”

Yuuji snickered and planted a quick kiss to Kenjirou’s forehead.

“Okay, now stop being all lovey. I’m trying to get stuff done here.”

“Toss to me? Just once?”

“Do it!” The over-excited first-year encouraged.

“The public speaks,” Yuuji shrugged.

Kenjirou scoffed. “You don’t have a public, you dumbass.”

Yuuji grabbed a ball and threw it at Kenjirou, lining up for a running start.

Kenjirou tossed it high and close to the net, the way Yuuji liked it best.

Yuuji slammed it to the other side of the court with a yell.

The first year cheered. “Terushima-san, you’re the best spiker ever!!!”

“Careful,” Kenjirou warned. “You’re inflating his ego. It doesn’t need to be any bigger than it already is.”

“I’m only the best spiker if I’ve got the best setter with me.” Yuuji ignored Kenjirou’s comment.

“Can you give me tips!?”

Yuuji locked eyes with Kenjirou. “If that’s okay with your captain.”

Kenjirou shrugged. “Whatever you want. Just don’t give him bogus advice. I’m going to keep working with these two.”

There were two other first years who weren’t as exuberant, but were still smiling after watching the impressive spike.

Yuuji put his hands on the shoulders of the young spiker who had run over to him. “You sure? I might adopt him to Johzenji if you’re not paying attention.”

“Uh-huh, well, then you get to face my wrath,” Kenjirou said boredly. “Now shove off, we’re in the middle of something.”

Yuuji grinned at the teasing and walked a short distance away to chat with the first-year about spiking.

He loved these kinds of conversations and he was proud of the relationships he held with Kenjirou’s team despite being from a rival school. And yet, as enthralled as he was, a part of his mind always slipped away from the talk and back onto the court.

Unknowing that he was being watched, Kenjirou resumed teaching the underclassmen theoretical strategies. One of the first years was a middle blocker who wasn’t much taller than Kenjirou and drank in his advice on overcoming height struggles. The other was a setter who would most likely be taking Kenjirou’s place the following year. He followed the captain around like a puppy, attempting to do everything exactly like Kenjirou did.

Yuuji watched quietly and smiled. This team was in good hands. Strong, steady hands that never shook or missed a toss. Hands that made the best of every ball that came his way so it would soar directly in the path of the spiker’s hand. The same hands that held Yuuji most nights were holding this team and if Yuuji had to attribute their success this year to one thing, it would be those hands.

The next ball flew toward Kenjirou a little shakier from a mis-angled pass, but he managed to recover it and let it sail into the middle blocker’s zone.

“Yes!” the first-year cheered, pumping his fist in the air at the successful spike.

Yuuji blinked. Normally, Kenjirou would be congratulating the young athlete. He could be unforgiving, but a quality spike rarely went by without recognition on this court.

Kenjirou exhaled heavily and finally commended the first-year.

Yuuji held out a hand to the first year spiker still trying to talk to him, though Yuuji hadn’t heard many of his last few words.

He jogged over and put a hand on Kenjirou’s shoulder. “You okay?”

Kenjirou looked up, but he was looking just past Yuuji. “What? Of course I’m okay. What are you talking about.”

Yuuji narrowed his eyes and studied Kenjirou’s expression. “Think fast.” Yuuji shot his fist out to lightly smack at Kenjirou’s shoulder.

The setter instinctively raised his hands and batted Yuuji away, visibly wincing as their hands met.

Proof gathered, Yuuji grabbed at Kenjirou’s wrist, looking closely at his hand.

Kenjirou’s middle and ring finger on his right hand were slightly swollen, though he ripped his hand out of Yuuji grasp before he could get a better look.

“Babe, let me see your hand...” Yuuji said softly, already knowing where this was headed.

Kenjirou turned and took a few steps away from him. “Nothing’s wrong with my hand!”

Yuuji glanced behind him at the three first-years, now watching with concerned looks on all their faces.

“Go enjoy your weekend or something,” Yuuji told them. “Practice dismissed.”

“Yuuji, I’m fine!” Kenjirou took another step away. “There’s nothing wrong.”

Kenjirou roughly flexed his hand and the sound of popping joints reached Yuuji’s ears and made him want to puke.

“You’re going to make this worse!” Yuuji pleaded. “Go to the school nurse or just let me look at you!”

“I-I’m not going to the nurse’s office!” Kenjirou’s voice shook. “I hate that place!”

“I know you do. So just come back up to your room. Just ice your hand for a bit and it’ll probably be fine, alright? That’s all you need to do.”

Kenjirou still looked reluctant, so Yuuji gently took him by the shoulders and led him back to the third-year dorm hall.

The locks on the doors were tied to barcodes in the student IDs every charge of the boarding school carried on them. Yuuji slid his hand into the pocket of Kenjirou's shorts to grab his card and unlock the door.

Still too early on the weekend to expect much more, Taichi was still lounging on his bed, playing on his phone.

“Taichi, can you do me a favor?” Yuuji asked, pushing Kenjirou toward his own bed.

Taichi rolled over to look at them. “If you're trying to kick me out of my own bedroom so you two can—”

“Ice, Taichi. Can you get ice from the kitchen? Quickly, if you please.”

Taichi blinked and sat up at the harshness in Yuuji's voice, taking one look at Kenjirou's vacant expression before leaving the room, taking large steps.

Yuuji seated Kenjirou on the edge of his bed and knelt down in front of him.

The setter’s breathing had turned erratic and he slammed his eyes closed as Yuuji touched his hand again.

“Kenjirou, listen to me. You're going to be okay. It's nothing major from what I can see.”

Kenjirou was still trying to pull his hand against his chest. “Don't touch me, I'm fine!”

Yuuji shook his head and stood up. This wasn't going to go anywhere with Kenjirou in his current state. Yuuji sat on the bed and pulled Kenjirou into his lap, letting his boyfriend bury his face into his chest.

Kenjirou choked on a sob and Yuuji pulled him closer, careful to keep his injured hand out of the way.

“Shh, it's okay. You can cry if you need to. I know you're scared, but just hang on. Taichi’s getting ice then we’ll tape your fingers. Not a big deal. You just need to be careful with yourself, okay? You're precious to me and I want you to take good care of yourself.”

Kenjirou sat silently shaking for several minutes and jumped when the door clicked open as Taichi returned, a plastic bag full of ice cubes in his hands.

Yuuji took it from him gratefully, mouthing a “thank you” and set it down on his knee. It was uncomfortable, but Yuuji couldn't spring it on Kenjirou until he stopped panicking and he didn’t want to put it on the bed and get the blanket cold.

It was a few more minutes until Yuuji could feel Kenjirou's breathing return to a slow and steady rhythm. Yuuji kissed Kenjirou's forehead gently and shifted. “Can I take a look at your hand?”

Kenjirou extracted his tear-streaked face from Yuuji's shirt and nodded solemnly.

Before concerning himself with Kenjirou’s hand, Yuuji focused a few seconds on looking into his boyfriend’s eyes, the light brown color still swirling with emotion.

Kenjirou blinked and a few tears slid down his face. He looked away from Yuuji, a bit of pink tingeing his cheeks.

“Hey, you’re okay,” Yuuji said, reaching up and gently tipping Kenjirou’s chin so they faced each other again. “You don’t need to be embarrassed. It’s just us. Well, and Taichi. But Taichi’s going to be a great friend and leave for a while, right?”

Taichi scoffed and flopped back onto his bed. “Nice try. It’s my bedroom too and I was still sleeping.”

Yuuji looked back at Kenjirou and rolled his eyes. “Whatever. He doesn’t care anyway. The point still stands. You’re okay.”

“It’s such a stupid thing to be afraid of though...”

Yuuji smiled softly and kissed the bridge of Kenjirou’s nose, picking the bag of ice off his knee and placing it on the back of Kenjirou’s hand.

When Kenjirou looked down at it, Yuuji pulled his gaze back upward. “It’s not stupid. Nobody likes getting hurt.”

Kenjirou rested his chin on Yuuji’s shoulder and sighed. “Yeah, but it’s not like that. It terrifies me. And it’s completely illogical to be so afraid. I know it’s nothing bad and I know it’s not going to hurt for long, but I just panic and I can’t stop. You’re the only one who really knows how to calm me down.”

Yuuji tilted his head. He hadn’t heard this snippet of information before. “Me?”

“Mhm. You know how to pull me back into the here and now. I’m not nearly as freaked out now as I used to be.”

Yuuji rocked them back and forth slightly. “So how did you calm down before we met?”

Kenjirou’s voice quieted. “I didn’t. I just kept freaking out and never stopped.”

“He’s telling the truth there,” Taichi inserted.

Yuuji glanced over at the middle blocker.

Kenjirou shoved his face back into Yuuji’s chest and didn’t offer anything further.

“You don’t know the half of it, dude,” Taichi said boredly. “It was a miserable couple of years rooming with this sissy.”

Kenjirou shifted, exhaling hard.

“Dude, screw off.” Yuuji knew his own reputation for teasing was less then stellar, but he didn’t want Kenjirou getting any more agitated than he already was.

“He doesn’t tell anyone.” Taichi put his phone down and looked at Yuuji. “He pretends nothing is wrong.”

Yuuji frowned. “Well, yeah. But then once you notice, you just—”

“No,  _ you _ notice. You’re a strange expert at Kenjirou-reading. The rest of us have never been able to catch something as it happens.”

Yuuji rubbed his hand over Kenjirou’s back. He did pride himself on being able to read the sometimes seemingly emotionless teenager’s expressions, but he hadn’t considered that the slight shifts in the tightness of his boyfriend’s mouth or the angle of his eyebrows or the way he held his posture didn’t set off alarm bells for everyone else when something was out of the ordinary.

Taichi continued. “He tries to make believe he’s fine and most of the time he’s pretty good at it for a while. He doesn’t let his performance suffer and he keeps anything obvious off his expression. Even if we ask if something’s wrong, he brushes it off or gets mad and yells.”

Yuuji understood all this. This was no different from when he confronted Kenjirou. All he did was keep pressing until the secret was revealed or he gave up and let Yuuji take care of him.

“If we try to touch him, he’ll push us away again. Sometimes physically. He knows we’re onto him but he still can’t just swallow his pride and admit he needs help with—”

“That’s not it.” Kenjirou said loudly extracting his face from Yuuji’s shirt and rubbing his uninjured hand across his face to catch the last couple tears spilling from his red eyes.

Yuuji held his waist comfortingly, staying quiet to encourage him to keep talking.

“It’s not... pride. I’m just nervous. If I let it be real, then it’s definitely real. Which is why I try to hide. Which makes no sense! I hate it!”

“Shh, you’re okay,” Yuuji soothed. “It’s okay to be a little irrational from time to time. We all have things we’re afraid of.”

“Still, it’s a lot better when you’re here, Yuuji,” Taichi said. “You’re his safe place and it makes things run a lot more smoothly around here.”

Yuuji smiled down at Kenjirou. “Well then, I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

Kenjirou nodded silently.

Yuuji picked the ice pack off Kenjirou’s hand again, closely examining him and running his fingers across the cold skin.

“What’d he do this time?” Taichi asked from across the room.

“Tried to toss off a bad pass,” Yuuji said absently, curling Kenjirou’s fingers into a loose fist. “You can still bend your fingers so I’m pretty sure you’re fine. It looks like they bent sideways a little with how weird that pass was. They look sprained to me but that won’t take long to heal. Can I tape them together?”

Kenjirou nodded.

Yuuji went through one of Kenjirou’s desk drawers until he retrieved a roll of medical tape.

Kenjirou breathed shakily, but held his hand still while Yuuji  bound his fingers together below and above the strained joints.

“We’ll ice it again a little later, but you’re okay for right now. You can still play, just be really careful. If a pass seems risky, don’t go after it. You don’t want to hurt your hands any more than they already are.”

Kenjirou bit his lip, still looking nervous.

Yuuji tossed the ice pack onto the floor and gently helped Kenjirou lay down on his bed, then cuddling next to him and throwing an arm around his chest. “You’re gonna be fine. Okay? Rest for a while.”

“Yuuji, I have stuff to do today.”

“I know, but you can fit in a quick nap, right?”

“I guess.”

“This is part of taking care of yourself too, you know.”

“I know. I’ll get better at it.”

“You are getting better. You take better care of yourself now than when we first met. I’ve noticed.”

“You think so?”

“Mhm.” Yuuji shifted and took ahold of both of Kenjirou’s hands. He’d already memorized every faint scar that dotted his calloused skin and every finger that didn’t lay quite straight from past volleyball injuries. “When we started dating I couldn’t help but notice the abuse you put your hands through for the sake of the game. But you don’t let yourself get hurt as often anymore. And when you do, you take better care of yourself.”

“No, you come and attack me  and worry over me when I get hurt.”

Yuuji grinned. “Yeah, and you let me help you. That’s a step in the right direction, don’t you think?”

Kenjirou closed his eyes and smiled peacefully. “There have been a lot of steps in the right direction since I met you.”


End file.
